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How to make love to your wife in Islam!
How To Make Love To Your Wife In Islam: Since sexual intercourse between husband and wife in Islam is an act of worship, it should be practiced according to the teaching of Islam. One may ask about how sexual intercourse could become an act of worship!? The answer to this question is clearly stated in the hadith of the prophet (saw) that in one's sexual intimacy with one's life partner there is sadaqa. And we all know that Sadaqa is a highly rewarded act of worship in Islam. The prophet was very explicit in the hadith reported by Muslim: "In the sexual act of each of you there is a sadaqa." The Companions replied: "0 Messenger of Allah! When one of us fulfils his sexual desire, will he be given a reward for that?" And he said, "Do you not think that were he to act upon it unlawfully, he would be sinning? Likewise, if he acts upon it lawfully he will be rewarded” (Muslim)
The hadith above only makes sense if the sexual intercourse is raised above the animal level because one’s character plays a very important role in exercising intercourse. It should be practiced within the Quranic paradigm of love, affection and mercy.
Allah says: And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect. Taqi Usmani: And it is among His signs that He has created for you wives from among yourselves, so that you may find tranquility in them, and He has created love and kindness between you. Surely in this there are signs for a people who reflect. (Quran: 30:21)
The Prophet (saw) said: “The most perfect of believers are those most perfect of character; and the best of you are the best of you to your spouses.” (Tirmidhi, Ibn Hibban) In another hadith of ibn Hibban: “The best of you are the best to their wives, and I am the best of you with my wives.” Ibn Hibban
When intention is made by the wife and the husband to exercise sexual intercourse, the following should be practiced: 1- wife-husband should recite the following dua before making Love/Sex “Bismillahi, Allahumma jannibnaa ash-shaitaana, wa jannib ash-shaitaana maa razaqtanna” “In the name of Allah, O Allah, keeps us away from the devil, and keep the devil away from that which You may grant us (ie. offspring).” (Bukhari / Muslim)
According to the teaching of the Prophet (saw), if the above dua is recited before intercourse, and Allah decrees that the married couple will have a child, the devil will never be able to harm that child.(Bukharee)
2- Foreplay between the spouses
Imam Ibn al-Qayyim (Allah have mercy on him) reports in his famous “Tibb al-Nabawi” that the Prophet (saw) forbade from engaging in sexual intercourse before foreplay. (Al-Tibb al-Nabawi, 183, from Jabir ibn Abd Allah)
Foreplay between the spouses before actually engaging into sexual intercourse is immensely important (especially for the wife) and a vital ingredient for a happy and prosperous marriage, that which should never be neglected. The husband should sexually arouse his wife before having sex (Oral Sex). It is indeed selfish on the husband’s part that he fulfils his sexual needs and desires, whilst his wife remains unsatisfied and discontented. Failure in satisfying the wife can have terrible consequences on one’s marriage. Thats why the prophet forbade sexual intercouse without foreplay, to guarantee and to protect the sexual pleasures and rights of the wife in bed.
Islam recognizes a woman’s need of love, affection and foreplay. Women tend to be more romantic than men. They like to hear tender words, to be praised, to feel that they are being cared for, to be the main concern of their husbands and the one to whom he directs his ardent love (thats why the prophet forbade engaging in sexual intercourse before foreplay). In Islam it is a women’s right to be satisfied by her husband in bed. Islam stresses the importance of mutual sexual satisfaction between marriage partners in the following Quranic verse: Permitted to you, on the night of the fasts, is the approach to your wives. They are your garments and ye are their garments. Allah knoweth what ye used to do secretly among yourselves; but He turned to you and forgave you; so now associate with them, and seek what Allah Hath ordained for you……(Quran:2:187)
Taqi Usmani] It is made lawful for you, in the nights of fasts, to have sex with your women. They are apparel for you, and you are apparel for them. Allah knows that you have been betraying yourselves, so He relented towards you and pardoned you. So now you can have sexual intimacy with them and seek what Allah has destined for you….(Quran:2:187)
A garment brings satisfaction, comfort, protection and warmness! These are the things a husband must strife to give his wife during intercourse!
Tafsir Ibn Kathir regarding sexual intercourse (penetration to the Vagina) of the Quranic verse: Quran:2:187 (They are Libas i.e., body-cover, or screen for you and you are Libas for them.) Ibn `Abbas, Mujahid, Sa`id bin Jubayr, Al-Hasan, Qatadah, As-Suddi and Muqatil bin Hayyan said that this Ayah means, "Your wives are a resort for you and you for them.'' Ar-Rabi` bin Anas said, "They are your cover and you are their cover.'' In short, the wife and the husband are intimate and have sexual intercourse with each other, and this is why they were permitted to have sexual activity during the nights of Ramadan, so that matters are made easier for them .Abu Ishaq reported that Al-Bara' bin `Azib said, "When the Companions of Allah's Messenger observed fast but would sleep before breaking their fast, they would continue fasting until the following night. Qays bin Sirmah Al-Ansari was fasting one day and was working in his land. When the time to break the fast came, he went to his wife and said, `Do you have food' She said, `No. But I could try to get you some.' His eyes then were overcome by sleep and when his wife came back, she found him asleep. She said, `Woe unto you! Did you sleep' In the middle of the next day, he lost consciousness and mentioned what had happened to the Prophet . Then, this Ayah was revealed: )
So we clearly see that the sahaba (companions of the prophet) understood that during sexual intercouse each spouse has to be a resort for the other ( by satisfying each others sexuel needs, just like a garment brings comfort and satisfaction)
3- keep away from sexual intercourse during menstruation
Quran:2:222 ﴾ Abdullah Yousuf Ali] They ask thee concerning women's courses. Say: They are a hurt and pollution: So keep away from women in their courses, and do not approach them until they are clean. But when they have purified themselves, ye may approach them in any manner, time, or place ordained for you by Allah. For Allah loves those who turn to Him constantly and He loves those who keep themselves pure and clean. Taqi Usmani] They ask you about menstruation. Say: It is an impurity. So, keep away from women during menstruation; and do not have intimacy with them until they are cleansed. But when they are cleansed, then go to them from where Allah has commanded you. Surely Allah loves those who are most repenting, and loves those who keep themselves pure.
The Prophet (saw)also stated: “Every game a person plays is futile except for archery, training one’s horse and playing with one’s wife (foreplay and kissing) ”. (Sunan Tirmidhi, Musnad Ahmad, Sunan Ibn Majah).
(Quran:2:223) Your wives are as a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when or how ye will; but do some good act for your souls beforehand; and fear Allah. And know that ye are to meet Him (in the Hereafter), and give (these) good tidings to those who believe. [ Taqi Usmani] Your women are tillage for you to cultivate. So, come to your tillage from where you wish, and advance something for yourselves, and fear Allah, and know that you are to meet Him, and give good news to the believers. [
4-The wisedom of Allah swt for using the words ‘Your wives are as a tilth unto you’(2:223):
Sex is not a thing to be ashamed of, or to be treated lightly , or to be indulged to the excess. It is as solemn a fact as any in life. It is compared to as husbandman’s tilth; it is a serious affair to him; he sows the seed in order to reap the harvest. But he chooses his own time and mode of cultivation. He does not sow out of season nor cultivate in a manner which will injure or exhaust the soil. He is wise and considerate and does not run riot. Coming from the simile to human beings, every kind of mutual consideration is required , but above all, we must remember that even in these matters there is a spiritual aspect. We must never forget our souls, and that we are responsible to Allah.(Commentary note 249pg90 The Meaning of The Holy Qur’an, Abdullah Yusuf Ali)
Commentary of Mawlana-Abul-Ala-Mawdudi:
"The farmer sows the seed in order to reap the harvest, but he does not sow it out of season or cultivate it in a manner which will injure or exhaust the soil. He is wise and considerate, and does not run riot." (Afzalur Rahman, Quranic Sciences, London 1981, p.285)
The words ‘and fear Allah (2:223) ‘ , shows how important it is in Islam for husbands to act in a proper and loving way with their wives during intercourse.
If any of you has sex with his wife let he be true to her. If he attains his pleasure before her then he shouldn't hurry her away until she also attains her pleasure." (Narrated by Anas)
Imam al-Daylami (Allah have mercy on him) records a narration on the authority of Anas ibn Malik (Allah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) is reported to have said: “One of you should not fulfil one’s (sexual) need from one’s wife like an animal, rather there should be between them foreplay of kissing and words.” (Musnad al-Firdaws Of al-Daylami, 2/55)
Kissing one’s spouse is also of utmost importance in general. It is a Sunnah of the Prophet(saw). )Sayyida A’isha (ra)) narrates that the Prophet of Allah(saw) would kiss one of his wives and then leave for prayer (salat) without performing ablution (wudu). Urwa(ra) says that I asked A’isha: “It must have been you?” (Upon hearing this) A’isha (ra) smiled.”(Sunan al-Tirmizi no.86 Abu Dawood, no.181, Al-Nissai no.170)
Sayyida A’isha (ra) says: “The Prophet of Allah(saw) would kiss me before leaving for prayers, and he would not perform an ablution.” (Sunan al-Darqutni, 1/49 and others)
The above two narrations indicate the recommendation of kissing one’s spouse. They also show the importance of greeting the wife when entering the house with a kiss and departing with a kiss. This was the Sunnah of the beloved Prophet of Allah(saw). Thus, it is inappropriate for husbands to leave the home in a hurry without even greeting the wife in a proper manner with hugs and kisses, and then entering the house with the first question on whether the food is cooked etc.. Passionate kissing (or French kissing) is also the Sunnah of Prophet of Allah(saw).
Sayyida A’isha (ra) narrates that the Prophet of Allah(saw) would kiss her whilst he was fasting and he would suck her tongue.” (Sunan Abu Dawud, no. 2378)
6-How Husband should come to Wife
It is allowed for a Muslim man to enter his wife in her vagina from any direction he wishes – from behind or from the front. About this Allah revealed the following verse:“Your wives are a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when or how ye will” [Al-Quran: al-Baqarah 2:223]
There are also various hadith on this subject, one of them is:
“On the authority of Jaabir (RA) who said: “The Jews used to say that if a man entered his wife in the vagina from behind, their child would be cross-eyed! Then Allah revealed the verse: “Your wives are as a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when or how ye will;” [al-Baqarah 2:223]. The Prophet said: “From the front or the back, as long as it is in the vagina”. [Al-Bukharee and Muslim]
The Prohibition of Sodomy
It is forbidden for a Muslim man to enter his wife in her anus (anal sex). This is understood from the verse quoted above (i.e. since a “planting ground” can only refer to a place where something might grow), and from the narrations cited above. There are also other hadith on the subject, among them:
“On the authority of Ibn ‘Abbas who said: “‘Umar ibn Al- Khattaab came to the Prophet and said: ‘O Messenger of Allah, I am destroyed!’ The Prophet asked: ‘And what has destroyed you, O ‘Umar?’ ‘Umar said: `I turned my mount around last night.’ (An expression, which means he has sexual intercourse with his wife penetrating the vagina while mounting her from the rear.) The Prophet gave him no answer and when the revelation came and the verse was revealed which says: “Your wives are as a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when or how ye will;” [al-Baqarah 2:223] and the Prophet said: “From the front and from the back, just beware of her anus and her menses”. [an-Nisaa'ee in "`Ishratun-Nisaa" with hasan isnaad, at-Tirmidhee and others]“
Making Wudhu’ between 2 acts with one’s wife
When a Muslim man has had sexual intercourse with his wife in the legal manner and then wishes to return another time, he should first perform wudhu’, based on the statement of the Prophet (saw): “When one of you comes to his wife and then wishes to return another time, let him perform wudu between the 2 times (In another version, the same wudhu’ which he performs for prayer) for verily, it will invigorate his return.” [Muslim, Ibn Abi Shaibah and others].
The Bathing of Husband and Wife together
After making love, it is permissible for the husband and wife to bath together in the same place even though he sees her private parts, and she sees his. This is established by a number of authentic hadith, among them:
On the authority of ‘Aa’ishah (radiallahu anha) who said: “I used to bathe with the Prophet from a single container of water which was placed between us such that our hands collided inside it. He used to race me such that I would say: `Leave some for me, leave some for me!’ She added: `We were in a state of Janaba ( i.e. the state of having slept together).’”[Al-Bukharee and Muslim].